Songs To Live and Die By
by Opal Butterfly
Summary: He thought that if he didn't exist then everything would be better,he just didn't realize how wrong he could be.


**A "Wonderful Life"/"Christmas Charol" type story where it is Puck who is shown what the world would be like without him, or how to change his life for the better...you get the idea, right?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING! But I really wish I owned Puck or even Mark Salling. ;D  
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><p>This had to be the weirdest fucking dream he'd ever had. Seriously, who wants to see Jesse St. Assface in any dream let alone wearing something that could have come out of one of Rachel's musicals, standing in the middle of some fucking street? "What the hell are you doing here Asshat?"<p>

Jesse rolled eyes in a way that made Puck want to knock his smug ass out. "Did you forget what happened," Jesse asked but when it was apparent that Puck didn't remember he figured it was time to show him what was really going on.

"Dude, why are we in a hospital?"

"Will you just wait! When did you become so impatient? Rachel must be rubbing off on you."

"Don't even start numb nuts!" Puck exclaimed shoving a finger in Jesse's face.

"Whatever, just look."

"Look at…" Puck started to say but stopped when he saw Rachel being rolled in on a gurney, blooded and bruised. "What the hell?"

"You seriously don't remember the accident?" Jesse asked incredulously.

It was then that Puck was assailed with images, images of a truck barreling out of nowhere and straight into Rachel's eco-friendly car, hitting her side and spinning the little piece of metal around so that his side slammed into a light pole. He vaguely remembered sirens and wanting to get to Rachel, to make sure that she was okay but after that it was all fuzzy and blank. It wasn't long after that this whole dream, out of body experience, or whatever the hell this is started happening to him.

"DAMMIT! Goddammit! Why?" Puck bellowed his hands running over his 'hawk and down his face. "Why did this happen to Rachel? Goddammit nothing good ever happens to her when I'm around. I wish I never knew her, I wish that I'd never even laid on her because from fucking day one I have done nothing but hurt her!"

"You really think that? You really think that she would have been better off without you?"

"Yes! Her and the whole goddamned world would have been better off without me!"

Jesse raised an eyebrow at him before walking away, leaving Puck standing behind in the hallway. "Don't you fucking dare walk away from me St. James!" Puck yelled running after him, following Jesse through a doorway before stopping dead in his tracks. There in front of him were the doors to William McKinley High. "What? Why the hell are we here?"

"Don't you want to see what life would have been like if you weren't here?" Jesse asked innocently gesturing for Puck walk into the school.

Hesitantly, Puck opened the doors and walked down the hallway. Almost immediately he noticed that something was wrong, there were no signs for glee, nothing talking about nationals hanging in the hallways, nothing that screamed Rachel. Almost cautiously Puck turned to Jesse and voiced his question. "Where the hell is Rachel?"

Very bluntly Jesse replied. "She's dead."

"What?"

"You weren't here to stop the bullying; you weren't here to tell her that she was important. She couldn't handle it anymore and so she swallowed a full bottle of sleeping pills."

All that Puck could do was stare at Jesse in horror, he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that the beautiful, self-confident girl that he knew killed herself. Even more hesitantly he inquired after something else. "What about glee club? What happened to them?"

"Never happened. We both know that Rachel is the heart and soul of glee and without her reporting the former Glee club teacher Mr. Shue had no reason to form New Directions," Jesse told him flippantly. "Everyone that joined New Directions continued to live their miserable lives. Quinn and Finn stayed together, Santana and Brittany are still Cheerios, Kurt never had a reason to come out, Rutherford and Chang had no reason to join because Kurt never joined football, Tina and Artie continued to live in the shadows, and Mercedes never got a chance to perform in front of the school letting them know that being different was beautiful."

Puck stumbled and landed against the wall, sliding down it to try and process what he had just been told. "And what about you fucktard?" he asked, his insult landing weakly.

"I never had to lower myself into the world of McKinley High."

Puck tried to swallow the ball of emotion down that had accumulated in his throat at the realization that all that he needed to live, i.e. Rachel, was dead and it was because he wasn't there to protect her, that no one got a chance of being themselves because she wasn't there for Mr. Shue to form New Directions. "Why are you here? Why are you the one to show me all this?"

"Because you needed it to be me and no before you ask, neither of us are dead I'm just something you conjured up."

"I want to go home," Puck whispered.

"That's all up to you Puckerman."

Puck looked at Jesse inquiringly, a heated glare sitting there as well. "If you wake up now you can go home. But if you decide that you'd rather leave Rachel to fend for herself then by all means stay here."

"I'm going home," Puck growled at Jesse hefting himself off the floor before heading to the main doors of the high school.

Behind him Jesse smirked before quietly saying, "Good choice," before disappearing.

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><p>Noah Puckerman slowly opened his eyes before shutting them quickly, the glaring bright white of the hospital walls too much for his sensitive eyes. Hesitantly he tried again, this time just opening his eyes enough so that he could see but not be blind. He wasn't sure why but he had the urgent need to see Rachel, to see that she was okay, that she hadn't been killed when the truck hit her. It was then that he felt the warm weight of a hand in his own, a hand small yet immensely familiar. His eyes followed the hand up to an elbow and then a shoulder before they rested on a head of brown hair, Rachel's hair. Gently he squeezed her hand immediately alerting her that he was awake.<p>

Rachel's head shot up quickly, her eyes immediately landing on his own before welling up with tears. "Don't you dare do that again Noah Puckerman! Don't ever leave me again!" she sobbed.

"Never, I'll never do it, I promise," he told her before tugging on her hand so that she could curl up on the bed with him. "I promise I'll never leave you Rach," he whispered in her ear when she had settled next to him. "I promise."


End file.
